Friday, December 9, 2016

finals review

I always do this - blog smack dab in the middle of finals week. 
I really shouldn't, you know.
It's moods like this that cause me to spend 50 minutes going through my Instagram feed, chuckling to myself about old memories.
I'm not really quite sure why I do it. Maybe it's the closing of the semester and the nostalgia that brings...or the reflection that comes about from too much time in the library and not enough sleep. 

Or maybe it's all just gratitude. 
Even for all the great craziness of this season, I'm always immensely thankful. 

He's sustained me another season.

I won't lie to you, I will be happy to have a break from this semester - it's been a crazy one. 
There have been countless sleepless nights and application deadlines - homework and so many math problems, I thought the keys were gonna fall off my calculator a few times.
I could tell you all the stresses and milestones of this semester. 
But I don't feel like that would be a true reflection of what this season has been. 
It's been so many things - not stress alone.

I could tell you about all those low times and about all the studying and about the nights I was in tears over statistics...(statistics is not my forte). 
But if I'm completely honest, those moments are fleeting and faded. 
Looking back, they aren't the ones that stand out in my memory. 
Instead, they stand beside the little joys and fun times - lifting them up even higher, making them even more vibrant. 

Those joys and tears - moments alone in new coffee shops, and nights spent rolling in laughter with girls who have grown so dear to my heart. 
I was humbled and brought low, but I was also lifted up. 
 I was reminded of the simple goodness of the Gospel and his ever-sufficient Grace. 
And that was enough. 

He was good.
He is good.

So I'll continue to tell you about the joys and about all the things I've learned to love about Carolina - the blue skies and the big oak trees...the brick streets and the fall leaves, the Carolina blue everywhere and the kind old men who have coffee with their paper in the Quad. 
I've learned to love Kenan stadium on game nights and the chipmunks that are everywhere at 7:30am on my walk to class. I love the smell of the cold wet leaves, and the fresh coffee brewing from the Meantime's great. 
My heart swells every time I wear my ratty grey Carolina sweatshirt or every time I hear "Hark the Sound". 
I'm a complete fan.

I remember not wanting to come here when I was accepted. I bucked it so vehemently - I thought I had better plans. 
But now, I couldn't envision myself anywhere else for this time. 

He knew. 

And here I am - surrounded by sweet community and such a fun group of people who love to learn. I'm pursuing a field of study I'm passionate about and am so thrilled at the doors that have continued to open. 
This place has become a part of me in a way I didn't think was possible. 
I was so short sighted. 

But He knew. He always knew. 

And He had better plans. 

If I'd only known before, how much quicker I would have released my tight grip on previous things.

But that's how we learn. 
I am still learning, I suppose.
And now that it's not all perfect, I can just focus on it being so good. 

So until next finals season...(or the next time I'm feeling nostalgic)...


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