Sunday, May 28, 2017

i was here

The last 3 weeks have been a complete blur. 
School happened. 
A trip to Florida happened.
And then a spontaneous week-long trip to Hawaii happened. 

Now, in three days, I board a 14 hour flight to Tokyo. 

My head is spinning. 

 Here are some things I'm learning:

1. I've been so exhausted...but the good kind of exhausted. I love going to bed so tired I can't hold my eyes open, knowing my entire being was spent on having fun.
There have been so many moments of adventure and new experiences - so many afternoons I've laughed so much my cheeks were sore.
It's okay to be spent on good times.

(2) And it's okay to rest when those times are over.
I guess I'm learning to do that too.

3. Time scares the mess out of me.
I've always considered myself pretty flexible and adept at change, but lately I'm finding it harder to deal with than usual.
Don't get me wrong - I'm so dang excited. But I also kinda wanna vomit.
It's a weird sensation.

4. I found my old journals yesterday as I was finally cleaning my closet. And it reminded me that instead of dwelling on time's speed, I need to continue to recognize the beauty of the journey - to slow down and document the moments.

I used to be so good at that.
But somewhere in the busyness of the last year, I forgot the importance. And I forgot how incredible it feels to be able to look back and see the Lord's threads woven throughout seasons of my life.
It hasn't exactly looked like I thought or hoped...but that's kinda the beauty of it.

And it's a testimony in it's own right.
And it's very Japanese, actually - the idea of beauty in the everyday imperfection. They love that sort of thing.

So, I'm learning I need to continue to record.
I'm all needs to be remembered. 

**I know I always reiterate this on this blog. It's a reoccurring theme. 
So maybe all this remembering is more personal than anything else and 
I apologize in advance **

 I'll remember hours spent reading in the airport alone and flights over the Rockies...layovers in San Francisco and the moment I remembered how high California was on my travel list.

I need to see more of 'Merica.

I'll remember hiking through the Hawaiian jungle...the hours on hours spent in the water and the healing power that salt air always has. 

I'll remember snorkeling, and the blue fish I love...fresh shaved ice and Thai food that was so spicy I thought my lips wouldn't stop burning. 

I'll look back and see moments I stepped out of my comfort zone - climbing behind huge waterfalls and jumping off 35 ft. cliffs. 
And I'll try to re-feel the lurch I felt in my stomach when I did those things - because that has to be one of my favorite feelings. 

I'll remember sweet Hawaiian smiles, and hearty "mahalooooo"s from anyone who helped us...those island people I love so much.

I'll be running one day and I'll remember the detoxing walks I took when I returned home and was recovering from hip injuries. I'll remember what it feels like to be forced to slow down and how humbling it is.
There's beauty in that too. 

I won't remember it all. No...that's impossible.
But I can document parts of this journey to the best of my ability. I can attempt to collect stones like Joshua and the Israelites did when they crossed the Jordan. They needed to remember the Lord's faithfulness...and their utter incapacity.

So do I.

That way, years from now, I will look back and I will grin and I and say "I was there." 
My whole being was there. 
And even for time's speed,  and for the imperfection within it all, I remained thankful and I sucked the life out of every moment.

The Lord WAS and IS faithful.


I don't wanna blink. 

There is blessing to be seen, even in all the speed. 

Until next time (hopefully in Japan)...


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